Back to School Guide for Adoptive Families

This guide helps adoptive families navigate common school challenges like family tree projects and peer questions.

New school year, new routines, new chances to grow. For many adoptive families and children, the new school year can bring anxiety and extra considerations. Whether your child is in a local school, international school, or somewhere in between, the start of term can bring up more than just excitement.

You might be wondering how much of your child’s adoption story to share with the school or whether you even need to. Maybe your child’s nervous about getting asked personal questions, or maybe you’ve heard one too many family tree assignments are still a thing. (Spoiler: they are.)

At Adoptive Families of Hong Kong (AFHK), we know how meaningful, and sometimes tricky, school life can be for adoptive families. So we’ve gathered tips and insights from fellow AFHK parents in our community to help you start the school year feeling more prepared and supported.

6 Essential Strategies for Adoptive Families

1. Establish Early Communication with Teachers and School Staff

Whether your child is starting K1, moving to a new school, or just settling into a new year, it can really help to touch base with the teacher early on.

One parent in our community shared:

“At the start of each year, I send a short message through ClassDojo to let the teacher know my child is adopted. I keep it simple, just enough to help them understand there might be some sensitive topics.”

If your child is in an international or ESF school, you may have more flexibility to schedule a short face-to-face chat or Zoom call. Some schools facilitate this connection as a requirement for young children (K1-K2), allowing parents a chance to share important information about their child’s adoption journey.

Another AFHK parent shared their back to school teacher-meeting practises:

“We make it a point to let our daughter’s teacher know that she is adopted. This helps provide context, especially when classroom discussions or activities touch on traditional family roles or celebrations. We also share the nicknames our daughter uses for her foster families, so the teacher isn’t caught off guard, and to help avoid any uncomfortable or confusing moments in class.”

No need to overshare - just let the teacher know that your child’s family background might make certain activities (like baby photo day or family tree projects) a little more complex. Most teachers are open to learning and want to support your child.

If your child is in local kindergarten or school, the school will also have a social worker on site. You can connect with this resource, similar to the teacher, to help your child settle in and as extra support.

2. Prep for Family Tree & Baby Photo Assignments

These activities still pop up in both local and international schools, especially in early primary and during General Studies, PSHE (Personal, Social & Health Education), or class culture projects.

These well-meaning assignments can stir up big feelings for adopted children, especially if their story includes trauma, unknown history, or difficult transitions. And it can put them on the spot if they don’t want to explain their whole life story in front of the class.

What you can do:

• Talk with your child about what to expect.
• Let them decide how much they want to share and with whom.
• Remind them that their story belongs to them and it’s okay to keep it private.
• Some adoptive families choose to make creative family trees that include birth and adoptive families, or represent important people (like foster carers or social workers). Others prefer to focus only on their current family. There’s no one right way, just what feels safe and empowering for your child.

If you feel comfortable, you can suggest to the teacher: “Some kids have different family structures, would it be possible to offer an alternative version of this project?”

3. Role-Play Responses to Nosy Questions

Let’s be honest, kids are curious, and adoption can spark questions from classmates like: “Where are your real parents?”, “Why don’t you look like your mum?”, “Were you in an orphanage?”

These comments often come from a place of innocent curiosity, but they can be upsetting or overwhelming, especially if they catch your child off guard.

Try practising some short, confident responses at home:

• “That’s private.”
• “All families are different.”
• “I was adopted, and that’s just part of my story.”

Let your child know they’re not obligated to explain anything if they don’t want to. It’s their story, their choice.

Bonus tip: Ask your child what they wish people would say instead. It’s a great way to open up dialogue and boost self-esteem.

4. Watch for Emotional Ups & Downs

New terms can bring stress, separation anxiety, or sensory overload, especially for kids who’ve experienced early loss, trauma, or multiple transitions.

You might notice:

• More clinginess or withdrawal
• Meltdowns after school
• Trouble sleeping or eating
• “I hate school!” (even if they loved it last year)

All normal. Create a calming routine after school, quiet time, play, cuddles, or a snack-and-chat. Some kids need to decompress before they’re ready to talk about their day.

And if the emotional load feels too heavy? Don’t hesitate to reach out to a counsellor or therapist who understands adoption. AFHK can help with referrals if needed.

5. Build a Team Around Your Child

You don’t have to do this alone. Your child’s school, your family, and your adoptive community can all be part of the support system.

Here are a few ideas:

• Encourage the teacher to use inclusive language in class (e.g. “grown-ups at home” instead of “mummy and daddy”).
• Ask if the school has a counsellor who can check in with your child.
• Share resources about adoption-sensitive classroom practises (AFHK can help with this!).

One parent told us:

“I dropped off a simple one-page summary about adoption sensitivity for teachers. It opened up a great conversation, and they were grateful for the info.”

6. Lean on Your Community

Being an adoptive parent in Hong Kong can feel isolating at times, especially if your friends or extended family don’t fully understand your child’s needs. That’s why community matters.

Building connections:

• Join local adoptive family support groups
• Attend adoption-focused educational events
• Connect with other adoptive parents for shared experiences and advice
• Access professional resources and referrals through adoption organizations

AFHK is here to walk alongside you. Whether it’s a support group, a speaker event, or just connecting with another parent who gets it, you’ve got a village here. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You’re doing something powerful just by being thoughtful and proactive. You’re the expert on your child. Trust your gut, trust your connection, and know that you’re not alone.

Key Takeaways for Adoptive Parents

• Trust your expertise: You know your child better than anyone. Trust your instincts about their needs and advocate accordingly.
• Embrace imperfection: You don't need to have everything figured out. Being thoughtful and proactive is what matters most.
• Seek support when needed: Professional counsellors, school resources, and your adoptive community are valuable sources of support.
• Remember your strength: Adoptive parenting requires extra consideration and planning, but your thoughtful approach is making a significant positive difference in your child's life.

Additional Resources for Hong Kong Adoptive Families

• School counselling services available in international and local schools
• Adoption-sensitive classroom practise guidelines
• Professional therapy referrals specializing in adoption-related concerns
• Community support groups and educational workshops

This guide was developed with insights from Adoptive Families Hong Kong members. For additional support and resources, connect with AFHK, local adoption organizations, and school counselling services.